Happy New Year! Perhaps I will have time to blog more next year!
Sometimes I write things that I wonder if I should be writing, given my stated beliefs in Christianity. Therefore, I have modified the last two posts. Sorry, Chic Noir, I enjoyed your comment! But how can I post some of the photos that I posted and still proclaim belief in Christ? Of course this is always the struggle I am talking about here.
I want to write openly about sex, love, God and other things, without it becoming too pornographic, even though I feel a great desire sometimes to do those things. The basic questions remain: how does a person with a powerful sex drive reconcile that with Christian belief. It is not as simple as most people think. But the need for faith goes on, the need for spirituality.
Transformations and struggles continue in life. Perhaps sometime soon I might say something worth while. For now, I am just musing on different things. Faith in God is most important, without that life seems empty and depressing.
As my faith in God grows, so does my sense of peace and happiness. Deo gratias.
For a long time I have been distant from God, following my own desires without any thought of how they may effect my faith. But God kept calling me back, reminding me of how wonderful his love is, of how powerful faith is, more powerful than anything the world can offer. Once you have tasted the sweetness of God, you never forget. I first tasted that sweetness over two decades ago. And in my darkest moments I never forget that.
Recently I have decided to renew my faith. It is the best decision I have made in a while, by far. How much better it is to live a life in faith, rather than one in sin. I will take things one day at a time, trusting in Christ, and always hoping that I am doing his will, whatever that may be.
A life of prayer, union with God, love and service to others, is a life worth living.
I am going to start writing more on this blog about sex and spirituality. I think perhaps I might take a more general approach to the spirituality question, rather than a exclusively Christian one. But for me, the struggles of my life have been between my deep eroticism and a deep need for spirituality too. Where do you draw the lines on certain things? I really have no answer for these things; but I think the need for spiritual sustenance is great in our society so I feel the need to write on these things. For the past year I have felt my beliefs grow cold, or doubts have set in, and it usually revolves around sexual issues. The allure of eroticism is always with me, as is the need for God in my life. It is a constant tension; questions that for me remain always unanswered.
I have not written much on this blog for many months, but as I have often said, I plan on writing more. My own journey through the world continues as I try to balance and understand the life of the flesh, the spirit, eroticism, God. I know it is a never ending journey.
What I have found is that there is a goodness to spirituality, to God. Of course for me that means Christianity, but others it may be something different. Love and passion are important things and a part of life. Without them life would be banal, boring, and without a whole lot of meaning.
I have not written much on this blog for months. Sometimes blogging seems a bit silly and self indulgent. Nevertheless, reaching some sort of audience of readers is rather pleasant, so I would like to continue blogging.
Life continues on with struggles of faith, sin, love, despair, etc.
Once again I thanked God this morning as I went to and from Mass for giving me the Grace to believe in him. I cannot imagine what my life would be like without God. It would probably be a total wreck. I have my problems, but at least I feel that with God these problems can be overcome. And how much more rewarding it is to attend Church on Sundays than to be living in sin! Amen.
I have noticed that when I am slipping into a sinful life, my prayer life dries up. This has always been the case. Throughout my entire life I have gone through periods of intense prayer and intense sin. Sin destroys the prayer life. Of course, God, in his all powerful mercy, will always help us to overcome sin. We must, however, want and ask for his help with that. Recently I have been falling back into old sins. As a result I have felt the distance from God. It is frightening. Anxiety increases. I know how sin destroys.
Life in Christ is so far better than life in sin it is a wonder that I continually fall back into sin. These are my choices though, the choice for selfishness over love of God. I can only ask God once again to help me get back on the right path.
“In His will is our peace.” I came across this statement a while ago and how true it is. As I mentioned before on this blog, a Sunday which is free from serious sin is so much more satisfying than a Sunday filled with anxiety and agitation over a life lived in sin. Sometimes it amazes me how clear the distinction is between the two. Given the busy work schedule during the week, Sundays are the best day for serious and deep prayer. It all begins with Mass in the morning and the joy and peace that is carried on throughout the rest of the day as a result of attending Mass. Why should I ever allow myself to fall back into serious sin again? Yet the fear is there. We are surrounded by temptations and allurements. Many times in my life, even after being filled with the peace and love of God, I fell back into serious sin. But I know that with the help of God I can overcome these things. The key to it all is prayer. Without prayer we are so much weaker, almost helpless, in the face of serious sin and evil. And it is true that in His will that we find our truest, deepest and most everlasting peace.