Warning: This is an explicit discussion about the nature of porn in our world and many of things that I find troubling about it. In being explicit I am trying to elucidate the problems of porn, not stir up any kind of arousal in the reader. Still, since I will be speaking graphically about some things, it is not for the faint of heart.
I can’t deny the allure the female body has for me. I think women are beautiful. As a result I can be drawn to images of the female nude, and even occasionally something more explicit. But I have to admit that I never liked trashy stuff. Playboy was always more appealing than Hustler. And what I find today is that more often than not, the more explicit the image, the less likely it is going to possess, at least for me, some higher artistic value. The truly good erotic art is to be found among independent photographers. One thing I have noticed about so much of “erotica” is that it is almost as crude as your run of the mill porn. So few web sites that claim to be of a higher quality are really anything but that. Not that I have done any sort of thorough scientific investigation of these things, but I have been exploring different sites recently and have come up with a few observations.
First, the more explicit the photo, the less attractive it tends to become. The more the image is about raw sex, or sexual enticement, the more troubling it seems. It is one thing to display an image of a woman’s body, enhancing her natural beauty, drawing us into the mystery and power of eroticism and sexual attraction. It is another to show close up shots of her labia or other areas with about as much taste as a medical school gynecology text. I absolutely hate the images of women spreading their labia as far apart as possible so that we can actually see up into their vaginal canal. Now I love that part of a woman’s body and every woman I have ever been involved with knows how much I love going down on her, but those shots are not attractive, just crude. As I mentioned above, even most of the sites that claim to be “Erotica” are really nothing more than slightly better than average porn sites. These sites probably have the money to pay for better models and photographers, but the outcome is still the same. They still tend to be little more than jack off material for horny men. One of my criteria is the imagery itself. The close up spread labia shot is for me one line between porn and art. Even most “Erotica” sites have copious amounts of the spread labia shots. I wonder about the type of guys who actually enjoy seeing such close ups.
There is something about this world of pornography, something that is difficult to define, but often, despite its allure, it seems so dark. On the lower end you have these rather violent videos of men choking women, slapping them with their pensis, ejaculating on their faces and then spreading their mouths wide open so you can see the semen before they swallow. It is almost clinical in its thoroughness and downright barbarian in its brutishness. The word “bitch” and “whore” are used frequently. Clearly these are meant to appeal to a certain type of man. I suppose it is not all that bad so long as it is all kept in the realm of fantasy, but I doubt that is true for a lot of the men who watch these things. Men tend to like to act out what they see. I have always been curious as what most women are experiencing out there today: boyfriends or husbands who desire to act out on these things, or not? Who knows. I have had rough, physical sex before, and I know women can enjoy that too, but I never met any women in my lifetime who enjoyed being treated like what you see in some porn. I am sure they are out there, but fortunately I never encountered one. Comments please.
The better porn is not as bad, but still, there is this darkness, even ugliness to it all. It is not all terrible, but enough of it is to make me question just how seedy the entire industry is. Men can take on a mob mentality fairly quickly and do some fairly ugly things. Now this is not a blog on the bad behavior of my fellow men, but as good modern example of how ugly group mentality can become, of how even the most decent of individuals can somehow descend into realms they thought existed only in their worst nightmares, lets take a look at two sides of WWII. Of course we all know about the ugliness of so much of Nazi Germany. So most people justifiably don’t have a whole lot of sympathy for Germany in those years. But what is less well known is the systematic rape of German women by the advancing Soviet armies at the end of WWII. As one witness described, “They would simply enter the house and say, ‘Where are your women’”. And for all those macho alpha gamers out there who might think, “Sounds fun to me”, does it sound so pleasant if we are talking about your wife, sister, daughter or mother enduring such evils? There were a lot mass suicides of German women during this period, many including both mothers and daughters who had been mutually raped. I am sure most of the Soviet soldiers were fairly decent men before the war, but evil feeds on itself, and given the right circumstances, most people will descend to almost any level of cruelty. This is especially true among the testosterone driven pack or group mentality of men. So there is a feel you get when you frequent a certain place: a strip club, a porn shop, or anywhere where sex and women are cheap and easily used, and it is not a pleasant feel. It can seem dark, dangerous, and perhaps even a bit evil. Desperate men starving for sex with a pretty young things they will never have is a sad site. Men never make eye contact with each other in these places. Perhaps the shame of publicly admitting you are desperate for sex by simply visiting such a place is too much to bear. I have felt these things in my life when visiting these places. Afterwards you feel just a little ugly. And I do think there is something objectively evil in many of these places.
I even get a sense of this ugliness on many of the blogs devoted to game or PUAs. The hatred and anger is palpable. Not everyone on such blogs is like that, but enough to make you wonder just who some of these people writing certain comments are. There is the never ending theme of: “Yeah, I fucked her, and then I inflicted some sort of psychological pain on her. The fucking bitch deserved it!” I am sure many of those Soviet soldiers were thinking something similar during their actions, especially “the bitch deserved it” sentiment. Women are not perfect, and some do deserve the crass treatment they get from men, but not all or even most women are deserving of such anger. And the female sex blogs are not much better. What you sense is a lot of anger, hatred, sadness and despair. “Men are pigs. I want love, but can’t find it. I hate men because all they want is sex so that is what I give them and now I hate myself even more for being used.” Or the, “I am a modern, sophisticated, liberated women, so I will have sex like a guy without feeling anything. But I hate myself too for doing this. And I need more prozac to cope with all this too.” So many of them admit that they are actually suffering from depression or other types of psychological struggles, such as anorexia or bulimia. I guess you put them together with the alpha gamers and you have magical union.
I always contrast these things with the natural, loving sex with someone you truly care about. There is no comparison really. I will always prefer the beauty of deep love over the crassness of meaningless sex.