It has been eons since I wrote anything of substance on here. One reason is that I have been busy with other things for the past few months. There is only so much time to do things. Another reason is that I have been trying to figure out exactly what it is I would like this blog to be about? There seem to be so many blogs out there today and I am not sure if another one is going to make much of a difference. I am not much into the day by day accounts of people’s lives, especially when I do not know them, so I never wanted this blog to be about all that. Also, I have been trying to avoid the hypocrisy issue. I do not want to be writing about sexual restraint, especially within the bounds of Christianity, when I myself have not been practicing it. Now I have not been doing anything terrible except for a lot of lust and spending/wasting a bit too much time entertaining that lust. And should I be serious or more sarcastic here? I have a deeply sarcastic side but I do not want to seem like I am contradicting some of the things I am writing here. I would like to attract readers who are interested in these topics but can still laugh about them at the same time.
Yet I read many things out there by people who have the same questions I do, people, both men and woman, who are deeply sexual but also deeply spiritual and are always attempting to find a balance between the two. For me, right now, a chaste life is the best option. I am just not having sex with anyone right now and am not sure when I will again, if ever. After a two decades of debauched living, sleeping with numerous women, saturating my mind with porn and erotic things, I am tired of it all right now. I am still very sexual, but I am not acting out on it. I find the spiritual life is much more fulfilling and rewarding. Of course I know I am in a distinct minority on this and this has always been the case throughout history. But, as I have written in earlier posts, for me deeper happiness is the result. I would like to be an advocate for these types of issues: sexual restraint within the contexts of a spiritual life, but a restraint which does not completely deny our sexual and erotic selves, but rather embraces the good and healthy aspects of that important part of our beings.
To change topics slightly…recently I have been reading a lot about how women are becoming more and more consumers of porn. Many are coming out and talking openly about their addiction to porn. This is new phenomena for sure, driven by the internet. Not that women in the past were not influenced by porn, they were, but the numbers now are much greater. But I wonder why this is? As a border line recovering porn addict myself, this development intrigues me. When men look at porn it is because we cannot get laid and are using porn as a substitute for real sex. Of course this only leads to frustration and a sense of inadequacy on our parts. But for women, most of whom could easily find a sex partner rather quickly if they wanted, what is the allure? From what I gather it seems that the majority of women who enjoy porn do so because they fantasize about being the completely desired women they see in the videos or pictures. Men fantasize about having sex with the women they see in porn; women fantasize about being the women so viscerally desired. In addition, some women have reported that they enjoy and are aroused by the images of other women; and some women say they enjoy seeing the men. It is hard to break down the numbers and this is not meant to be a scientific survey, but this is what I glean from reading a few things recently on women and porn. Also, a huge thing now is for women to send naked pictures of themselves to others, whether private or not. This would make sense, since it would tap into a the female desire to be noticed and desired. The supposed anonymity of the internet has made this all possible. A woman can now be her own porn star in a private and anonymous way. Of course the internet has a way of destroying people’s anonymity after a while. What is clear is that in so many areas of our modern, technologically driven lives, the internet is having a profound influence. In our atomized, isolated and highly individualistic society, it can be drug as dangerous as cocain was to the Chinese in the nineteenth century or alcohol was and still is to the Native Americans. There are many good things out there too on the internet but balancing the good and the bad can be a dangerous game.
What I sense in so many of the disorders of our internet age is this: there are many, many lonely people out there who are using this medium as a way of connecting with other people. In the end it is a most imperfect way of connecting. We are and will always be the flesh and blood creatures God designed us as and will always need the real contact and communication of real people in real time and space.