I know from all my experience that a life lived in Christ, devoted to God, and free from sin, as much as we are able to be free from sin, is the best life lived. How much joy and pleasure are derived from prayer! It is joy that is lasting; there is a kind of goodness to it, a strength and reward that only comes from God. My life feels complete, happy, secure when it is conducted in prayer and focused on God; when I think of others and how I might serve and love them better and not so much myself anymore; when I think that, even though I am not sure of where my life may be heading at certain times, if I am faithful to God, He will be faithful to me. God has a great plan for all of us if only we will open our hearts to Him so as to receive that plan fully. We are his workers, we are called to bring others to Him, just as others brought us to Him.

When I live in sin, especially addicted to porn and sex, none of these things seem true. Rather, I am overcome by despair, darkness and depression; I feel the coldness of distance, of that great distance that is created when we walk away from God through our own actions. I read somewhere that hell is nothing more than being eternally separated from God and His love. But yet while we live on this earth God is always with us: He is always there trying to call us back from a sinful life. Having lived my life in both worlds, the world of sin and the world of faith, I can say unconditionally that the world of faith is better beyond description. There is no comparison. And although I worry about my weaknesses, I know if I trust in God I can walk this journey faithfully, and perhaps without ever falling again.

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