A few days ago I posted something about Classy Women, and how I enjoy that more than the in your face sexuality of most of today’s culture. Chic Noir then responded, “Belly dancing over pole dancing any day. The in your face grinding of the pole dancer is very boring and brutish. The slow lush sensuality of a top notch belly dancer is unbeatable.”

I could not agree more. The stripper vs. belly dancer is an interesting contrast in two competing areas of male sexual desire for women. Let me explain.

Like most men, I have been to a few strip clubs. What I found though was not so much an orgy of eroticism, although the women at these clubs are often quite beautiful and enticing, but rather a sea of sadness and desperation. It was quite shocking really. First, the vast majority of the strippers are clearly disassociated from and not enjoying what they are doing. As they dance they look off into the distance, rarely make eye contact, and are obviously just going through the motions of taking off their clothes and bearing their bodies to a hoard of strange men. Now to be as objective as possible all the dancers were not like this. You would see a one or two out of the many who seemed to be actually enjoying what they were doing, or at least pretended to be. Of course they were the ones who made the most money. But most of the girls seemed, well, just sad. I actually talked to one or two girls along the way, out of curiosity. One girl told me that “yeah, we are all fucked up here: drugs, alcohol, etc.” The saddest thing about her conversation was that she told me she had a small child staying with her mother while she was out working as a dancer. Another girl once said to me, “You are not the type of guy who comes into these places.” To this day I consider that one of the finest compliments I have ever received from a women. Not that I am not above these sort of things, but by the look of the seedy looking people sitting around the dance bar, it was nice to hear. I know she was sincere, in part because we were just talking without there being any money exchanged

Then there are the men who inhabit these places. They were lonely, desperate, the definition of losers, so many of them. If most of them did not have the money to pay the girls to take their clothes off, they would never even get the time of day from these girls. The girls know it, the guys know it, and it is all very crass. Sure, everyone gets what they want: the girls get their money, the guys get to see a naked woman, but at what price? Most of the guys in these places know that they lack the prowess to score good looking women, so they have to pay for it, and, having to pay, will resent women even more than they already do. The bottom line for all these places, from Hooters to the highest priced strip club or brothel, is that it is all about money. I don’t like going to these places because I feel I  lose a bit of my dignity and self respect by doing so. A few visits was all I needed to feel that. I am sure many are the types who frequent these places also frequent blogs that talk about game and how evil all women are. I am sure many also have my experiences too.

Now I compare the strip club scene with something like Ball Room dancing, or a show like “Dancing with the Stars”. I admit I enjoy that. What is that I enjoy? The elegance, the class, the grace, the sophistication of coats and ties and well dressed men and women in a pleasant venue, as well as the obvious enjoyment that the women display in this type of dancing. That type of dancing is far more sexual in a natural way, far more erotic, far more intensely alluring, than a stripper could ever be. Why? Perhaps it is because so much is left to the imagination?  Or perhaps it is because the music enhances the sensuality and sexuality of the dance in a way that is deeply physical, even artistic. Furthermore, the couples dance in a way that more clearly reflects the male/female tension that is a necessary part of sexuality. Many of the dances seem to express so well the tease and intrigue of courtship or even seduction. Clearly, most women love that type of dancing, rather than the stripper type. And for me it is a huge turn on to see something that women actually enjoy when it comes to the world of sensual or erotic enticement. Yet so many women feel that in order to be considered sexually cool, they must follow the stripper method. For instance, the stripper pole seems cheap and crass. Twirling around on a pole?  Although sometimes it can be pleasing, it ultimately lacks grace and charm. It is just the in our face variety of sexuality that we are surrounded by.

Or compare that with a belly dancer. This is an ancient dance form, going back millennia. The belly dancer is mysterious. She uses her curves, her natural feminine assets to entice us, allure us. She sexual, but in a hidden and sophisticated way. The clothes never fully come off. There is the tease, which is more true to life than the stripper baring it all. When you see a belly dancer you feel that you have seen something genuine. True, it is still a sexual thing for the men watching, but it seems more true to the natural order of sexuality, men watching, women teasing, than stripping ever can. She never does take her clothes off in end, which leaves the men watching with nothing but their imaginations, if they still have an imagination. Given our present video game generation, I wonder how much imagination is left among some people.

So much of sexual attraction and eroticism is about the chase, the true game. By true game I do not mean the game of the one night PUA, but the game of long, slow, intense intrigue and pursuit. Trust me, these are the best experiences. It is more like waiting to open a fine bottle of champagne or wine and savoring the taste after the anticipation. Ballroom dancing and belly dancing reflect this better than the stripper culture could ever hope to do so. And for those PUA gamers, remember, that if the woman enjoys something that is at all slightly erotic or sensual, your chances of winding up in bed, and having hot sex with her, increases dramatically.